I am a woman of Christ.
I am a woman of laughter.
I am a woman of love.
And recently, I've become a woman of frustration.
Boy, do I not like that.
I've been getting frustrated with myself, with friends, with coworkers, with family, with boys.. And dare I say it.. Frustrated with God.
Actually, maybe I've had moments of impatience with God.
Definite moments of tapping my foot at God.
I don't like saying I've been frustrated with God.
Ugh, I am not proud of that.
Can I use the excuse "I'm human, I sin"? Sure, I can use it as the opening of a sentence.. As long as it concludes with ".. but I am not okay with that and I need to get that attitude out of here".
Being a Christian is recognizing that sin is a part of this world, but a big part of being a believer is striving to remove it from our lives, and to not be okay with it. You can't ever be satisfied with the sin you find in your life.
John Owen said, "Know the associates that Satan holds in your heart". I'm recognizing this hold he has on me (these moments of "I know better than God"), and I'm determine to make them less and less frequent in an effort to destroy it completely.
I'm fully aware that that's easier said than done. But, boy, am I going to work on it.
I've decided that in order to not be a "woman of frustration", I need to decide what type of a woman I'm going to be.
By default, my instinct was to go to Proverbs 31. Every godly woman that I know strives to be a Proverbs 31 woman. In my Bible, verses 10-31 are titled "A Woman Who Fears the Lord".
A woman of fear.
Doesn't that sound lovely? Hah. We tend to associate fear with dark rooms, haunted houses, and spiders.
But this fear is different.
A fear of the Lord is a sign of wisdom (according to Proverbs 9:10), and Proverbs 1:7 says that a fool despises wisdom. I don't want to be a fool.
It's a fear of recognizing what I deserve, and realizing that He has all the power over that.. But that I'm trusting He'll keep His promise to me.
A woman of fear and wisdom.
Not a bad thing to strive for.
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