I remember when I was little, and the excited that would spread throughout the neighborhood during a blackout. The three family’s on our end of the block with kids would play hide and seek – where home base was the big palm tree between Brandon’s house and Mr. Ray and Miss Barabara’s house. Count to 60 then find everyone else. We’d played hide and seek a lot, but for some reason, I have this vivid memory of a black out time. And how excited we all were. I remember moving the PlaySkool toy in Matt and Becca’s backyard closer to the fence next to Brandon and Kevin’s house, so that we could jump the fence. Then opening the gate and booking it down the street.
I enjoy blackouts. The last time we had a good black out, it was at night and we were all home. It was so cool. Because it actually let our family had time to hang out together. No TV. No computers. No phone calls. No lights. We busted out the camping lights and did puzzles. I think family’s these days would be a lot happier if we had a weekly evening blackout. Force the family to be together. It’d be good for everyone.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Monday, September 01, 2008
Eloping
I had a long talk last night.
Well, not long, but like, a half hour.
And it made me want to get married.
And I'm not talking about the whole... church chapel, 250 friends, bridesmaids, groomsmen, white dress and flowers.
I want to elope.
I'm going to elope.
I don't care about the stuff of a "typical" wedding.
I hate having to get dressed up, so why would I spent $XXXXX on a dress that I'll only wear once.
The idea of having to choose bridesmaids practically gives me a seizure.
The idea of asking my "fiance" if any of my guys could be a groomsman is terrifying and awkward, but I'd want them a part of it.
The idea of spending $XXXXXX on a 4 hour event to show others how much I love "him" is like... Why?
Now I have nothing against weddings. Nothing against going to weddings. Nothing against being in a wedding party.
Just for me, it's not what I want.
I want a guy that will love the idea of a spontaneous wedding.
That it doesn't matter about the lights and candles.
All that matters is that we love each other.
We don't have to show it by material things.
One person has already predicted who it'll be.
And I talked about that last night with Mae and we both agree that it could work.
That if anyone could make it work, we could.
Oh that'd be funny.
I've already promised a hand full of people that I'll give them a 24 hour warning.
So that if they can make it to Vegas in 24 hours, they can come.
No hard feelings if they don't make it at all.
Maybe I'll have a reception type thing after we elope so that people can come.
So that family won't completely murder me.
Oh it'd be fun.
Just to have a crazy story to tell later on.
Haha oh yes.
Well, not long, but like, a half hour.
And it made me want to get married.
And I'm not talking about the whole... church chapel, 250 friends, bridesmaids, groomsmen, white dress and flowers.
I want to elope.
I'm going to elope.
I don't care about the stuff of a "typical" wedding.
I hate having to get dressed up, so why would I spent $XXXXX on a dress that I'll only wear once.
The idea of having to choose bridesmaids practically gives me a seizure.
The idea of asking my "fiance" if any of my guys could be a groomsman is terrifying and awkward, but I'd want them a part of it.
The idea of spending $XXXXXX on a 4 hour event to show others how much I love "him" is like... Why?
Now I have nothing against weddings. Nothing against going to weddings. Nothing against being in a wedding party.
Just for me, it's not what I want.
I want a guy that will love the idea of a spontaneous wedding.
That it doesn't matter about the lights and candles.
All that matters is that we love each other.
We don't have to show it by material things.
One person has already predicted who it'll be.
And I talked about that last night with Mae and we both agree that it could work.
That if anyone could make it work, we could.
Oh that'd be funny.
I've already promised a hand full of people that I'll give them a 24 hour warning.
So that if they can make it to Vegas in 24 hours, they can come.
No hard feelings if they don't make it at all.
Maybe I'll have a reception type thing after we elope so that people can come.
So that family won't completely murder me.
Oh it'd be fun.
Just to have a crazy story to tell later on.
Haha oh yes.
Monday, August 25, 2008
James 1:19-26
I love when you read something and it just smacks you right in the face.
In a good way.
Well, not in a good way necessarily.
I mean, there's reading that you do that is an unfriendly e-mail or a drama filled blog or a vengeful newspaper article or a "you suck" campaign.
Or there's reading that's like "reality check".
"But prove yourselves doers of the Word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the Word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the Perfect Law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless."
*slap* *slap*
It's the whole "you can talk the Talk, but can you walk the Walk?" idea.
A worthless religion. That means it's... Useless. Good-for-nothing. Valueless.
If you read the Book and listen to the sermons and sing the songs.. But don't live what you hear and learn... Then that's what your religion is considered. Why spend time every Sunday and Tuesday at church if you're not going to live it? Then that's a worthless, useless, good-for-nothing use of your time.
We live in a country where we're lucky enough to be able to worship freely, so we should take advantage of it.
I love when you read something and it just smacks you right in the face.
In a good way.
Well, not in a good way necessarily.
I mean, there's reading that you do that is an unfriendly e-mail or a drama filled blog or a vengeful newspaper article or a "you suck" campaign.
Or there's reading that's like "reality check".
"But prove yourselves doers of the Word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the Word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the Perfect Law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man's religion is worthless."
*slap* *slap*
It's the whole "you can talk the Talk, but can you walk the Walk?" idea.
A worthless religion. That means it's... Useless. Good-for-nothing. Valueless.
If you read the Book and listen to the sermons and sing the songs.. But don't live what you hear and learn... Then that's what your religion is considered. Why spend time every Sunday and Tuesday at church if you're not going to live it? Then that's a worthless, useless, good-for-nothing use of your time.
We live in a country where we're lucky enough to be able to worship freely, so we should take advantage of it.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
It's a small world..
Okay, long story, but pretty trippy.
So, a few months ago - probably in like, October - I got a text around midnight from someone that said something about "I hate the fact that I never meet people's expectations" or something like that. And when I say "someone", I mean, some totally and completely random person that wasn't in my phone book and that I'd never met before (Found out that they had just mistyped their friend's number and it happened to be my number instead). So I responded with something about "Um, I think you have the wrong number.. But no body's perfect and it's not fair for people to expect things of you that they can't give you themselves.. So don't worry" and we ended up talking for like, an hour and I just tried to help the person out. This complete stranger that seemed to be having a rough night and I ended with telling them that if they ever needed to talk to someone who's completely unbiased, I'm up for it. Then I never heard from them again.
Then tonight, I asked Edson for this girl Julie's number because I needed to give her directions to LQ, and instead of texting me back, she called. And I was like "Uh, hello?" And she was like "Oh my gosh, Kelsey! Do you remember a few months ago how some random girl texted you at night and they were having a rough time and they accidently texted you and you ended up just comforting them?" And I was like "Um, yeah...?" And she was like "That was me! I kept your number in my phone with a note that you were 'the girl that encouraged me that one night' and then you texted me tonight after hanging out with me.. And you're the same girl!!"
So freaking random. And awesome. And such a small world!!
This totally reminds me of that phrase "We all smile in the same language". That it really can affect someone's day if you make a little effort to help someone. And I offered her an ear.. or eye... month ago, and she remembered me. How bizarr. How trippy. And how awesome.
So the lesson from my xanga entry today? Be nice to someone. Affect their life. Give them a smile. Give the a hand. Give them an ear. Give them a hug.
It's a world of laughter, a world of tears. It's a world of hope, and a world of fears. There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware. It's a small world after all.
So, a few months ago - probably in like, October - I got a text around midnight from someone that said something about "I hate the fact that I never meet people's expectations" or something like that. And when I say "someone", I mean, some totally and completely random person that wasn't in my phone book and that I'd never met before (Found out that they had just mistyped their friend's number and it happened to be my number instead). So I responded with something about "Um, I think you have the wrong number.. But no body's perfect and it's not fair for people to expect things of you that they can't give you themselves.. So don't worry" and we ended up talking for like, an hour and I just tried to help the person out. This complete stranger that seemed to be having a rough night and I ended with telling them that if they ever needed to talk to someone who's completely unbiased, I'm up for it. Then I never heard from them again.
Then tonight, I asked Edson for this girl Julie's number because I needed to give her directions to LQ, and instead of texting me back, she called. And I was like "Uh, hello?" And she was like "Oh my gosh, Kelsey! Do you remember a few months ago how some random girl texted you at night and they were having a rough time and they accidently texted you and you ended up just comforting them?" And I was like "Um, yeah...?" And she was like "That was me! I kept your number in my phone with a note that you were 'the girl that encouraged me that one night' and then you texted me tonight after hanging out with me.. And you're the same girl!!"
So freaking random. And awesome. And such a small world!!
This totally reminds me of that phrase "We all smile in the same language". That it really can affect someone's day if you make a little effort to help someone. And I offered her an ear.. or eye... month ago, and she remembered me. How bizarr. How trippy. And how awesome.
So the lesson from my xanga entry today? Be nice to someone. Affect their life. Give them a smile. Give the a hand. Give them an ear. Give them a hug.
It's a world of laughter, a world of tears. It's a world of hope, and a world of fears. There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware. It's a small world after all.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Sex
I was so appalled today in my Sociology class.
It was.. so... disturbing.
The topic was sexuality, and we went through tons of different things. Homosexuals, tran-sexuals, rape, prostitution, affairs, abortion, teen sex, pre-marital sex. It was actually pretty interesting. And disturbing.
Did you know China let's you rent hotel rooms by the hour? For 12 bucks, you can rent a room for 3 hours. In 1989, 15% of Chinese had sex before marriage, in 2007, it was up to 60-70%. High school girls are making up 80% of the patients at abortion clinics (at one of the clinics, an abortion is $140, but if you decide not to use anesthesia, it's only $55..). The adults don't approve of premarital sex, so they aren't teaching about it to the level that is actively being.. lived.
You know what's sad? That's not what disturbed me.
Our professor asked us "What did your parents teach you about sex?" and "What will you teach your kids?". I wrote down the answers because of how shocked I was.
What did your parents teach you?
-Don't be a fool, wrap your tool
-Love should be a key, but it's okay if it's not. Just be ready to deal with the consequences.
What will you teach your kids?
-I'll leave it to the schools to teach my kids
-Safe sex
-Premarital sex isn't bad
-Extramarital sex isn't cheating
Whoa whoa whoa. Excuse me? Notice how NO WHERE on those lists does it say "Don't have sex" or "abstinence"... The class laughed when the teacher said "What do you think about people saying that you having sex with someone now can be seen as having sex with someone's future spouse, so in essence, it's cheating"..
I was just, flabbergasted. The kids in my group were like "How can you marry someone if you don't know how the sex is going to be? I couldn't do that"... And they looked at me like I was speaking Greek when I said "well, if no one has sex before marriage, then you have nothing to compare it to, so you can't say if it's bad or not"... It was just. So amazing. No one in that class was told not to have sex before marriage. And they thought it was insane to ever suggest it.
Is that seriously what the world has come to? The idea of abstinence is really that far fetched? I'm so... So disappointing in the world.
Holy. Crap.
It was.. so... disturbing.
The topic was sexuality, and we went through tons of different things. Homosexuals, tran-sexuals, rape, prostitution, affairs, abortion, teen sex, pre-marital sex. It was actually pretty interesting. And disturbing.
Did you know China let's you rent hotel rooms by the hour? For 12 bucks, you can rent a room for 3 hours. In 1989, 15% of Chinese had sex before marriage, in 2007, it was up to 60-70%. High school girls are making up 80% of the patients at abortion clinics (at one of the clinics, an abortion is $140, but if you decide not to use anesthesia, it's only $55..). The adults don't approve of premarital sex, so they aren't teaching about it to the level that is actively being.. lived.
You know what's sad? That's not what disturbed me.
Our professor asked us "What did your parents teach you about sex?" and "What will you teach your kids?". I wrote down the answers because of how shocked I was.
What did your parents teach you?
-Don't be a fool, wrap your tool
-Love should be a key, but it's okay if it's not. Just be ready to deal with the consequences.
What will you teach your kids?
-I'll leave it to the schools to teach my kids
-Safe sex
-Premarital sex isn't bad
-Extramarital sex isn't cheating
Whoa whoa whoa. Excuse me? Notice how NO WHERE on those lists does it say "Don't have sex" or "abstinence"... The class laughed when the teacher said "What do you think about people saying that you having sex with someone now can be seen as having sex with someone's future spouse, so in essence, it's cheating"..
I was just, flabbergasted. The kids in my group were like "How can you marry someone if you don't know how the sex is going to be? I couldn't do that"... And they looked at me like I was speaking Greek when I said "well, if no one has sex before marriage, then you have nothing to compare it to, so you can't say if it's bad or not"... It was just. So amazing. No one in that class was told not to have sex before marriage. And they thought it was insane to ever suggest it.
Is that seriously what the world has come to? The idea of abstinence is really that far fetched? I'm so... So disappointing in the world.
Holy. Crap.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Twilight
Let's discuss my new favorite books.... Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer
They're books about vampires. I know, sounds dumb, but it's not a gothic series at all. And it puts a total twist on all things vampire. Like the myths and crap. It's actually a love story. And they're amazing. And I laugh, I cry, I giggle, I smile, I get mad.. I get very into them lol
Edward...
He's such an interesting character. First of all, he's a vampire. Which, by mythological standards, that shouldn't be appealing at all. But the way Stephanie Meyers portrays vampires... They beautiful creatures. Like, actually, physically stunning. Beautiful, pale skin that sparkles like diamonds in sunlight (not purposefully quoting Anjelah Johnson there... "Your nail so pretty it sparkle like diamond in sky"... haha anyways). That's why vampires can never go out in the day time by myth, because people can't help but look at their beautiful skin...
And then there's his undying love and devotion. For a human. Which isn't just a case of say... An asian dating a white person. Or an Indian dating a Canadian. It's like... a Jew dating a Nazi. Or a fish dating a cat. It goes against nature. Vampires survive, thrive, live on human blood. It's their water and food. Vitamin A, B and C. Their protein and minerals. And he loves someone that is made of what keeps him alive. Luckily, by some miracle, Edward's family (of vampires) learned that vampires can survive on blood other than human.. So they survive by animal blood. It doesn't make them as strong as if they were to drink/eat human blood... But they live. And he fell in love with her. And his love for her is... Unexplainable. It's the type of love everyone would love to have. The type that makes other people want to gag, but gag out of jealousy and longing. It's amazing. Every time Edward and Bella (the girl he loves) have a conversation about love, he wins. She thinks she loves him so much, but compared to how he loves her, it's nothing. It's amazing. I smile when I read the books. I can't imagine the internal conflict Edward has to deal with every second of every day. Longing to hold and be with Bella, but at the same time, longing for her blood. Her blood to him, is like "heroin to a drug addict". It's... Amazing. The love. The devotion. The self sacrifice. Edward's description of his love and Bella - "Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.” I want to fall in love with a vampire. Hah. Edward, again - "“And the sound of your heart. It’s the most significant sound in my world. I’m so attuned to it now, I swear I could pick it out from miles away. But neither of these things matter. This. You. That’s what I’m keeping. You’ll always be my Bella, you’ll just be a little more durable.”
And then there's Jacob... She fell in love with her best friend. Her best friend fell in love with her. But she all the while, still madly, deeply, in love with Edward. I'm so glad I'm not Stephanie Meyer. How she ever actually decided to let Bella choose Edward over Jacob... It was hard for me just reading it. He loves her so much, and it's got to tear him apart to know she loves him as well as Edward. Jacob physically could never compare to Edward's beauty. And it wouldn't be such a horrible thing for Jacob and Bella to just end their little fling-ishy thing and then try to get their friendship back. Of course there's another twist in the plot. Of course Jacob has to be a Wearwolf.. The ultimate enemy of the vampire. So choosing to love Jacob is also straight up choosing between Jacob and Edward for life. Choose between your best friend, the one who was there for her when Edward had to leave. The one who was her comfort, her stronghold, the shoulder to cry on. And then Edward.. Her straight up love of her life. Man. Jacob - "“You love me, too. Not the same way, I know. But he’s not your whole life, either. Not anymore. Maybe he was once, but he left. And now he’s just going to have to deal with the consequence of that choice — me.” And I love that Edward understands that Jacob has a part in Bella's heart "When I left you, Bella, I left you bleeding. Jacob was the one to stitch you back up again. That was bound to leave its mark — on both of you. I’m not sure those kinds of stitches dissolve on their own. I can’t blame either of you for something I made necessary. I may gain forgiveness, but that doesn’t let me escape the consequences.” And I love how Edward gave her the choice between him and Jacob.. But I love even more Bella's answer to it “You don’t understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that’s what’s best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It’s the only way I can live." ‘If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. I know exactly what she means. And I know who I can’t live without.” And then Edward sent Jacob a letter.. "I’m breaking the rules by sending you this. She was afraid of hurting you, and she didn’t want to make you feel obligated in any way. But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice. I promise I will take care of her, Jacob. Thank you — for her — for everything."
AHHHH I love these stupid romance books!
I guess it's kinda sorta a chick flick. although it's also described as horror... Because there is fighting, and death.
They're books about vampires. I know, sounds dumb, but it's not a gothic series at all. And it puts a total twist on all things vampire. Like the myths and crap. It's actually a love story. And they're amazing. And I laugh, I cry, I giggle, I smile, I get mad.. I get very into them lol
Edward...
He's such an interesting character. First of all, he's a vampire. Which, by mythological standards, that shouldn't be appealing at all. But the way Stephanie Meyers portrays vampires... They beautiful creatures. Like, actually, physically stunning. Beautiful, pale skin that sparkles like diamonds in sunlight (not purposefully quoting Anjelah Johnson there... "Your nail so pretty it sparkle like diamond in sky"... haha anyways). That's why vampires can never go out in the day time by myth, because people can't help but look at their beautiful skin...
And then there's his undying love and devotion. For a human. Which isn't just a case of say... An asian dating a white person. Or an Indian dating a Canadian. It's like... a Jew dating a Nazi. Or a fish dating a cat. It goes against nature. Vampires survive, thrive, live on human blood. It's their water and food. Vitamin A, B and C. Their protein and minerals. And he loves someone that is made of what keeps him alive. Luckily, by some miracle, Edward's family (of vampires) learned that vampires can survive on blood other than human.. So they survive by animal blood. It doesn't make them as strong as if they were to drink/eat human blood... But they live. And he fell in love with her. And his love for her is... Unexplainable. It's the type of love everyone would love to have. The type that makes other people want to gag, but gag out of jealousy and longing. It's amazing. Every time Edward and Bella (the girl he loves) have a conversation about love, he wins. She thinks she loves him so much, but compared to how he loves her, it's nothing. It's amazing. I smile when I read the books. I can't imagine the internal conflict Edward has to deal with every second of every day. Longing to hold and be with Bella, but at the same time, longing for her blood. Her blood to him, is like "heroin to a drug addict". It's... Amazing. The love. The devotion. The self sacrifice. Edward's description of his love and Bella - "Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.” I want to fall in love with a vampire. Hah. Edward, again - "“And the sound of your heart. It’s the most significant sound in my world. I’m so attuned to it now, I swear I could pick it out from miles away. But neither of these things matter. This. You. That’s what I’m keeping. You’ll always be my Bella, you’ll just be a little more durable.”
And then there's Jacob... She fell in love with her best friend. Her best friend fell in love with her. But she all the while, still madly, deeply, in love with Edward. I'm so glad I'm not Stephanie Meyer. How she ever actually decided to let Bella choose Edward over Jacob... It was hard for me just reading it. He loves her so much, and it's got to tear him apart to know she loves him as well as Edward. Jacob physically could never compare to Edward's beauty. And it wouldn't be such a horrible thing for Jacob and Bella to just end their little fling-ishy thing and then try to get their friendship back. Of course there's another twist in the plot. Of course Jacob has to be a Wearwolf.. The ultimate enemy of the vampire. So choosing to love Jacob is also straight up choosing between Jacob and Edward for life. Choose between your best friend, the one who was there for her when Edward had to leave. The one who was her comfort, her stronghold, the shoulder to cry on. And then Edward.. Her straight up love of her life. Man. Jacob - "“You love me, too. Not the same way, I know. But he’s not your whole life, either. Not anymore. Maybe he was once, but he left. And now he’s just going to have to deal with the consequence of that choice — me.” And I love that Edward understands that Jacob has a part in Bella's heart "When I left you, Bella, I left you bleeding. Jacob was the one to stitch you back up again. That was bound to leave its mark — on both of you. I’m not sure those kinds of stitches dissolve on their own. I can’t blame either of you for something I made necessary. I may gain forgiveness, but that doesn’t let me escape the consequences.” And I love how Edward gave her the choice between him and Jacob.. But I love even more Bella's answer to it “You don’t understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that’s what’s best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It’s the only way I can live." ‘If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. I know exactly what she means. And I know who I can’t live without.” And then Edward sent Jacob a letter.. "I’m breaking the rules by sending you this. She was afraid of hurting you, and she didn’t want to make you feel obligated in any way. But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice. I promise I will take care of her, Jacob. Thank you — for her — for everything."
AHHHH I love these stupid romance books!
I guess it's kinda sorta a chick flick. although it's also described as horror... Because there is fighting, and death.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Flashbacks
The human mind is amazing. Other than it's ability to memorize countless formulas and situations. And other than it's ability to love and to hate. And other than it's ability to know what's right and wrong. I love how easy it is, to remember things that hit close to the heart.
I was talking earlier to a friend for over an hour. She's going through the same situation that I went through Christmas of my Junior year. As she was explaining everything she was feeling, and every step of the situation... It broke my heart. Not just for the people currently involved and for what was lost... But also for what happened that December. I remembered perfectly how I found out. I remember having to be the bearer of horrible, yet potentially exciting news. I remember crying for how everything was going to change. For the experiences we'd never be able to have. We'd never be allowed to sit on the curb talking until 2 AM again. Hawaii was going to be screwed. And responsibilities were going to sky rocket. It was an adventure we'd never planned on. I remembered how badly I wanted someone to understand my involvement and heartbreak in everything that was happening. Gosh. That was such a... I've never cried as much and as passionately about something. I was so glad I could be there for her tonight. Because I get it. I understand it. I remember feeling like I was being so selfish for being mad. Mad about what we were gonna lose as friends, not for what they were going to be going through. I remember feeling like I'd been the one screwed over. I remember wishing I didn't have to be the one they both turned to. Man. I was so angry, yet unwilling to let them know, because at the same time, I did want to be there for them. I wanted to get to the end of it and be able to have helped.
Then there was the sadness. How sad I was for the decision that was made. How I felt it was my fault. If only I'd been more convincing, or even convincing at all. Instead of me concentrating on myself and what I would gain, I should have been concentrating on what I knew what was right. And that brought on being angry at myself when I realized how selfish it all was, for all of us. I still get angry when I let myself think about it. And I couldn't explain to anyone why I was so mad about it. When I spent night after night after night on the phone, listening to them, trying to just be there for them 100%.. I should have said something.
Oh and then the real anger. That didn't even set in until that June. When the truth came out. I'm glad she doesn't have to deal with this. With the lies. Lying for attention. About something this big... Drastic... Life changing... How could lying about this have even crossed someone's mind? Why would you? I.. It's unfathomable to me.
I'm glad I had the chance to be there for her tonight. I wish I'd had someone who understood.. It's funny that now... Two years later... I finally have someone who gets it. Who understands every single thing I felt. And that I still feel... When I think about it. It felt so good to be able to help someone through something I went through. I guess this is why it all happened years ago. So that I could help her. All the tears and anger that I went through was worth it so that I could be a shoulder to lean on.
The human mind is amazing.
I was talking earlier to a friend for over an hour. She's going through the same situation that I went through Christmas of my Junior year. As she was explaining everything she was feeling, and every step of the situation... It broke my heart. Not just for the people currently involved and for what was lost... But also for what happened that December. I remembered perfectly how I found out. I remember having to be the bearer of horrible, yet potentially exciting news. I remember crying for how everything was going to change. For the experiences we'd never be able to have. We'd never be allowed to sit on the curb talking until 2 AM again. Hawaii was going to be screwed. And responsibilities were going to sky rocket. It was an adventure we'd never planned on. I remembered how badly I wanted someone to understand my involvement and heartbreak in everything that was happening. Gosh. That was such a... I've never cried as much and as passionately about something. I was so glad I could be there for her tonight. Because I get it. I understand it. I remember feeling like I was being so selfish for being mad. Mad about what we were gonna lose as friends, not for what they were going to be going through. I remember feeling like I'd been the one screwed over. I remember wishing I didn't have to be the one they both turned to. Man. I was so angry, yet unwilling to let them know, because at the same time, I did want to be there for them. I wanted to get to the end of it and be able to have helped.
Then there was the sadness. How sad I was for the decision that was made. How I felt it was my fault. If only I'd been more convincing, or even convincing at all. Instead of me concentrating on myself and what I would gain, I should have been concentrating on what I knew what was right. And that brought on being angry at myself when I realized how selfish it all was, for all of us. I still get angry when I let myself think about it. And I couldn't explain to anyone why I was so mad about it. When I spent night after night after night on the phone, listening to them, trying to just be there for them 100%.. I should have said something.
Oh and then the real anger. That didn't even set in until that June. When the truth came out. I'm glad she doesn't have to deal with this. With the lies. Lying for attention. About something this big... Drastic... Life changing... How could lying about this have even crossed someone's mind? Why would you? I.. It's unfathomable to me.
I'm glad I had the chance to be there for her tonight. I wish I'd had someone who understood.. It's funny that now... Two years later... I finally have someone who gets it. Who understands every single thing I felt. And that I still feel... When I think about it. It felt so good to be able to help someone through something I went through. I guess this is why it all happened years ago. So that I could help her. All the tears and anger that I went through was worth it so that I could be a shoulder to lean on.
The human mind is amazing.
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