Twilight

Let's discuss my new favorite books.... Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer

They're books about vampires. I know, sounds dumb, but it's not a gothic series at all. And it puts a total twist on all things vampire. Like the myths and crap. It's actually a love story. And they're amazing. And I laugh, I cry, I giggle, I smile, I get mad.. I get very into them lol

Edward...
He's such an interesting character. First of all, he's a vampire. Which, by mythological standards, that shouldn't be appealing at all. But the way Stephanie Meyers portrays vampires... They beautiful creatures. Like, actually, physically stunning. Beautiful, pale skin that sparkles like diamonds in sunlight (not purposefully quoting Anjelah Johnson there... "Your nail so pretty it sparkle like diamond in sky"... haha anyways). That's why vampires can never go out in the day time by myth, because people can't help but look at their beautiful skin...
And then there's his undying love and devotion. For a human. Which isn't just a case of say... An asian dating a white person. Or an Indian dating a Canadian. It's like... a Jew dating a Nazi. Or a fish dating a cat. It goes against nature. Vampires survive, thrive, live on human blood. It's their water and food. Vitamin A, B and C. Their protein and minerals. And he loves someone that is made of what keeps him alive. Luckily, by some miracle, Edward's family (of vampires) learned that vampires can survive on blood other than human.. So they survive by animal blood. It doesn't make them as strong as if they were to drink/eat human blood... But they live. And he fell in love with her. And his love for her is... Unexplainable. It's the type of love everyone would love to have. The type that makes other people want to gag, but gag out of jealousy and longing. It's amazing. Every time Edward and Bella (the girl he loves) have a conversation about love, he wins. She thinks she loves him so much, but compared to how he loves her, it's nothing. It's amazing. I smile when I read the books. I can't imagine the internal conflict Edward has to deal with every second of every day. Longing to hold and be with Bella, but at the same time, longing for her blood. Her blood to him, is like "heroin to a drug addict". It's... Amazing. The love. The devotion. The self sacrifice. Edward's description of his love and Bella - "Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars- points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.” I want to fall in love with a vampire. Hah. Edward, again - "“And the sound of your heart. It’s the most significant sound in my world. I’m so attuned to it now, I swear I could pick it out from miles away. But neither of these things matter. This. You. That’s what I’m keeping. You’ll always be my Bella, you’ll just be a little more durable.”

And then there's Jacob... She fell in love with her best friend. Her best friend fell in love with her. But she all the while, still madly, deeply, in love with Edward. I'm so glad I'm not Stephanie Meyer. How she ever actually decided to let Bella choose Edward over Jacob... It was hard for me just reading it. He loves her so much, and it's got to tear him apart to know she loves him as well as Edward. Jacob physically could never compare to Edward's beauty. And it wouldn't be such a horrible thing for Jacob and Bella to just end their little fling-ishy thing and then try to get their friendship back. Of course there's another twist in the plot. Of course Jacob has to be a Wearwolf.. The ultimate enemy of the vampire. So choosing to love Jacob is also straight up choosing between Jacob and Edward for life. Choose between your best friend, the one who was there for her when Edward had to leave. The one who was her comfort, her stronghold, the shoulder to cry on. And then Edward.. Her straight up love of her life. Man. Jacob - "“You love me, too. Not the same way, I know. But he’s not your whole life, either. Not anymore. Maybe he was once, but he left. And now he’s just going to have to deal with the consequence of that choice — me.” And I love that Edward understands that Jacob has a part in Bella's heart "When I left you, Bella, I left you bleeding. Jacob was the one to stitch you back up again. That was bound to leave its mark — on both of you. I’m not sure those kinds of stitches dissolve on their own. I can’t blame either of you for something I made necessary. I may gain forgiveness, but that doesn’t let me escape the consequences.” And I love how Edward gave her the choice between him and Jacob.. But I love even more Bella's answer to it “You don’t understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that’s what’s best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It’s the only way I can live." ‘If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. I know exactly what she means. And I know who I can’t live without.” And then Edward sent Jacob a letter.. "I’m breaking the rules by sending you this. She was afraid of hurting you, and she didn’t want to make you feel obligated in any way. But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice. I promise I will take care of her, Jacob. Thank you — for her — for everything."

AHHHH I love these stupid romance books!
I guess it's kinda sorta a chick flick. although it's also described as horror... Because there is fighting, and death.

Flashbacks

The human mind is amazing. Other than it's ability to memorize countless formulas and situations. And other than it's ability to love and to hate. And other than it's ability to know what's right and wrong. I love how easy it is, to remember things that hit close to the heart.

I was talking earlier to a friend for over an hour. She's going through the same situation that I went through Christmas of my Junior year. As she was explaining everything she was feeling, and every step of the situation... It broke my heart. Not just for the people currently involved and for what was lost... But also for what happened that December. I remembered perfectly how I found out. I remember having to be the bearer of horrible, yet potentially exciting news. I remember crying for how everything was going to change. For the experiences we'd never be able to have. We'd never be allowed to sit on the curb talking until 2 AM again. Hawaii was going to be screwed. And responsibilities were going to sky rocket. It was an adventure we'd never planned on. I remembered how badly I wanted someone to understand my involvement and heartbreak in everything that was happening. Gosh. That was such a... I've never cried as much and as passionately about something. I was so glad I could be there for her tonight. Because I get it. I understand it. I remember feeling like I was being so selfish for being mad. Mad about what we were gonna lose as friends, not for what they were going to be going through. I remember feeling like I'd been the one screwed over. I remember wishing I didn't have to be the one they both turned to. Man. I was so angry, yet unwilling to let them know, because at the same time, I did want to be there for them. I wanted to get to the end of it and be able to have helped.

Then there was the sadness. How sad I was for the decision that was made. How I felt it was my fault. If only I'd been more convincing, or even convincing at all. Instead of me concentrating on myself and what I would gain, I should have been concentrating on what I knew what was right. And that brought on being angry at myself when I realized how selfish it all was, for all of us. I still get angry when I let myself think about it. And I couldn't explain to anyone why I was so mad about it. When I spent night after night after night on the phone, listening to them, trying to just be there for them 100%.. I should have said something.

Oh and then the real anger. That didn't even set in until that June. When the truth came out. I'm glad she doesn't have to deal with this. With the lies. Lying for attention. About something this big... Drastic... Life changing... How could lying about this have even crossed someone's mind? Why would you? I.. It's unfathomable to me.

I'm glad I had the chance to be there for her tonight. I wish I'd had someone who understood.. It's funny that now... Two years later... I finally have someone who gets it. Who understands every single thing I felt. And that I still feel... When I think about it. It felt so good to be able to help someone through something I went through. I guess this is why it all happened years ago. So that I could help her. All the tears and anger that I went through was worth it so that I could be a shoulder to lean on.

The human mind is amazing.

Redheads

So yesterday I learned something new.
Redheads are going to be extinct by 2060.
Since red hair is the recessive gene and in order to produce more redheads both parents have to have the trait.
And (I kid you not) because so many people are migrating here from Asia and dark haired countries, the chances of two red hair gene carrying people to have a baby is very slim..
And apparently the color green tames redheads and their temper.
And our hair doesn't turn gray. Our hair turns sandy, then white. Kinda cool.
Redhaired slaves were sold for a higher price in Rome.
We are more susceptable to pain.
Redheads are only 2% of the population in the US.
Red hair is a genetic mutation
It takes more anesthetic to sedate us.
Redheads have the least amount of hair on their heads.

Crazy.

I'm a very logical person I've decided. If something doesn't make sense, I find a way to make it make sense to me. And if I can't figure something out that I care about (I mean, who cares if I can't figure out the time it takes two trains travelling from two different locations at different speeds to reach the same place. Don't care, so I'm not gonna put any effort into trying to find a way to make it make sense to me.), I'll rip it apart until I understand it.
God's love. And your acknowledgement of Him. Father, Son, Holy Spirit, Friend, Omniscient, Justice, Holy, Loving... In Sunday School today the guy talking was asking "How are you supposed to treat the Creator of the Universe, Omniscient One, like a Friend?". Like, he was saying that He's too Holy and Amazing to call and treat as a friend, but He is. To me, it makes perfect sense. It's like... I look at it like, a relationship between a boyfriend and girlfriend - a long relationship where they're totally in love. You can be all sweet and lovey dovey one on one, and be totally into each other. And you can tell that you're each other's worlds. That's like the Holy and Omniscient God and you. Then when you're with your boyfriend in public, you still love him, but because you're with your friends and stuff, it's more of a friend relationship, but the love is still there between you guys. That's the Friend God. It's possible to love someone to the same degree at all times. And if you think about it, we're supposed to fear God. Well, when you're in the "friend" mode with a significant other, there's still always that fear in the back of your mind "Omg, he's gonna think I'm flirting with this guy I'm talking to". So you can still consider God "Friend" and fear Him at the same time.
I dunno. This makes sense to me. And I know by putting God and our relationship in terms of boyfriend and girlfriend, it isn't even a fraction of what a relationship between us and God should be like, but it was just the way that I visualize how the relationship with God should be. Except, God's relationship isn't just temporary. And doesn't... Nevermind. Promised I wouldn't go there.

She Said Yes

I pulled out my "She Said Yes" book. Cassie Bernall was such an awesome chick. I've read that book so many times. Some of the pages are LITERALLY, PHYSICALLY falling out. Like, you know how most books if you open them and put them on a table, one hand has to hold it down so it doesn't flop closed? Ya, my book lies flat on the table. Lol. I have like, notes written in there and highlighted passages. She was just crazy. She wasn't perfect by any means, I mean, the beginning of her life, actually up until about 2 years before she was killed... She was just with the wrong crowd. And I love that I can actually picture the important part of the book - when she accepts Christ - cuz it happened at Estes. I was like "Hey! I've been there!" And I could totally picture it. Two of my favorite quotes from the book, that don't even have to do with Cassie, they were from letters that her and her friend from church were writing to each other.. "If you don't start living for other people, you end up being consumed with yourself. Once you start giving, though, your emotional needs will eventually take care of themselves." and then other one, which I agree with and wish some people would understand, cuz it describes my friendships with certain people that not everyone agrees with.... "Teens just want to be real, and they want to be with people who are real - people who are themselves and don't care what others think". It's a good book. She Said Yes, by Misty Bernall.

FAITH is the decision to trust in something. EVERYONE has faith in something, but what is their faith in? BELIEF is when we hold something to be true. TRUTH is just your socially convicted view of reality. TRUTH is when we find out something is the way we thought it was. FAITH isn't tangible. CONVICTION is something you would break a friendship over. BELIEF characterizes how you live your life.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

Why spend time thinking and doing the little things that you know are not right... If God's telling you right there in Philippians what to think about, why think about other things... Why do things that you flatout know are not right? If you have to hide something from your parents, you know it's wrong. And you can't hide anything from God, and I'd be more worried about God's opinion of me than of my parents and friends...