By default..

I love it when there are one or two lines from a sermon or Bible Study that just won't leave you alone.

Brian asked the questions"What are you an expert in besides the Bible?" and "What would your friends say that you love most?".

When it comes to the first question, I don't think I would actually call myself an expert in ANYTHING. Maybe I'm an expert talker? An expert laugher? I can't exactly put that on a resume. 

But an expert in the Bible? I think that'd be a pretty awesome title to be able to give yourself. Granted, by default, I assume that in order to be an "expert" in the Bible (or anything), you probably have a few diplomas on the wall and a couple of letters after your name proving your expertise. I don't have any extra letters after my name (however, my last name has 12 letters, so I could probably stand to remove some of them and add them afterwards - maybe I'll fool everybody!), so I'm not at any official experience level.. But I like to think I've got a little bit of knowledge under my belt, and I'm always game to learn more. So while I'm not an expert in the Bible, I tend to hunger after learning more in that area of my life than in, say, computers or cooking.. If that makes sense. So my expert-ness (official word, there) is ever growing.. Hopefully exponentially, especially in comparison to other skills and areas of my life.

The second question though.. In complete honesty.. It made me nervous.

What would my friends say? I sat there thinking "Well, I think some of them would say something faith related.. But maybe some of my friends would say that my friends are what I love the most. My job. My random adventures. Disneyland. And it might depend on what my mood was like the last time I was with them. I might have been venting, so that wasn't necessarily very God-love-affirming.. I might have proclaimed my love for Chipotle during dinner.. Oh man, I hope they wouldn't answer with THAT..". 

So to solve that problem, I thought "Okay, make sure to have some sort of a God-related conversation with everyone you come into contact with at least once over the next week, because you want them to know that HE is what you love, just in case they've forgotten".. You know, because that would be pleasing to God - have conversations about Him with an ulterior motive of making yourself look better!

And then I started thinking "What would I say my friends love? Do they all love God? I know these friends would want me to answer the question for them as God, but is it true? Would I be saying that because I know they want me to, or because I really think that's their strongest love? And what about my non-believing friends? What DO they love most? Their boyfriends? Their family? Their car, their job? Clothing?"

My pulse was rushing. My head was reeling. (My face is flushing. What is this feeling? Fervent as a flame... Wicked, anyone? :-P)

Honestly though, my mind was going a million miles a minute trying to figure out what the answer to that question would be.

It was hard. Because even as I was thinking about what my friends would say I love the most.. I started thinking "What would I say I love the most?". I know what the answer should be. What the answer NEEDS to be. But, if I'm completely honest, there are times when other things take priority. There are times when my love for Christ is still there, but things like my love for socializing or relaxing take on a higher priority.

It was either John Piper or CJ Mahaney that made the statement that God shouldn't be "riding in the trunk of your car, waiting for you to need Him like you need a spare tire.. He should be riding with you, IN THE CAR, the whole time." I'd even go as far as to say that He should be driving, not just riding shotgun (Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel" comes to mind..).

He shouldn't ever be "just there".. He should be THERE. My response should come as a default reaction - not because I respond that way out of habit, or obligation, but because by default, it's true.

We always joke at church that "Jesus" is the answer to EVERYTHING (and, as discussed today, whenever you're asked "where in the Bible does it say.. *fill in the blank*", if you answer with "Romans", you're probably right). 

Jesus needs to be my answer to that question. Not because it's expected, not because it's what we want to hear.. But because it's true.

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For the very first time ever..

I defriended somebody on Facebook.

People say things all the time that drive me crazy.

They post about how often they drink.

They post about how mad they are at someone and give information that we don't need.

They constantly post about how much they love the boyfriend they've been with for a week.

They cuss more than they use normal, civilized vocabulary.

When people drive me crazy, I use the lovely little "hide" button.

But this time, I just decided to delete the person. This isn't the first time that they've posted something that bothered me. And honestly, if we were "real" friends, and not just friends online because we once knew each other.. Then I probably would've stuck to hiding (or at least explained it to the person before deleting).

But I haven't talked to this person in.. Gosh.. 4 years? I don't think it's going to cause any problems. There should be no awkward fall out because of it. Unless this person secretly stalks my Facebook and realized that they no longer have access to view me..

This deletion is not because of their lack of faith in God.

It is not because of their sexuality.

It is not because of their partying habits.

I have a problem when you call my Savior what you called Him.

And the things posted below.

And I even read the article.

And it made my blood boil.

Quoting Luke 14:26 (If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple) as an example of Jesus telling His disciples to join in a gay lifestyle?

And of course, an article like this alludes to the David and Jonathan "relationship".

And even to Paul "being gay".

This is not me bashing homosexuals or passing judgement.

This is me having a problem with lies of Jesus being shared.

And lies about the Bible.

Context, personality, and an understanding of the culture in which the Bible was originally written is important to understand when trying to find inaccuracies in the Bible. 

Or trying to change Truth.

Or trying to make the Bible fit your choices, instead of changing your life to being a believer.

The Bible doesn't change. You can, though.

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A woman of what?

I am a woman of Christ.

I am a woman of laughter.

I am a woman of love.

And recently, I've become a woman of frustration.

Boy, do I not like that.

I've been getting frustrated with myself, with friends, with coworkers, with family, with boys.. And dare I say it.. Frustrated with God.

Actually, maybe I've had moments of impatience with God.

Definite moments of tapping my foot at God.

I don't like saying I've been frustrated with God.

Ugh, I am not proud of that.

Can I use the excuse "I'm human, I sin"? Sure, I can use it as the opening of a sentence.. As long as it concludes with ".. but I am not okay with that and I need to get that attitude out of here".

Being a Christian is recognizing that sin is a part of this world, but a big part of being a believer is striving to remove it from our lives, and to not be okay with it. You can't ever be satisfied with the sin you find in your life.

John Owen said, "Know the associates that Satan holds in your heart". I'm recognizing this hold he has on me (these moments of "I know better than God"), and I'm determine to make them less and less frequent in an effort to destroy it completely.

I'm fully aware that that's easier said than done. But, boy, am I going to work on it.

I've decided that in order to not be a "woman of frustration", I need to decide what type of a woman I'm going to be. 

By default, my instinct was to go to Proverbs 31. Every godly woman that I know strives to be a Proverbs 31 woman. In my Bible, verses 10-31 are titled "A Woman Who Fears the Lord".

A woman of fear.

Doesn't that sound lovely? Hah. We tend to associate fear with dark rooms, haunted houses, and spiders. 

But this fear is different. 

A fear of the Lord is a sign of wisdom (according to Proverbs 9:10), and Proverbs 1:7 says that a fool despises wisdom. I don't want to be a fool.

It's a fear of recognizing what I deserve, and realizing that He has all the power over that.. But that I'm trusting He'll keep His promise to me.

A woman of fear and wisdom.

Not a bad thing to strive for.

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God is good. All the time.

Not just sometimes.

All the time.

That's so mind boggling to me. To be good all the time.

I can try and be good sometimes. But then I'll roll my eyes. Or think a not so nice thought about the guy that cut me off on the freeway. Maybe I'll even swear at someone. And there goes my attempt at being good ALL the time.

I don't think it's a bad thing to strive to be good all the time. But to be good compared to whose standards?

Good compared to the world? Well heck, if I compare myself to some people of the world, I think I could say I'm doing pretty good. I don't get drunk on the weekend. I haven't killed anyone. I go to church every Sunday. I've never smoked a cigarette.

But everyone can find someone that they're better than. It's really not that hard. But your life isn't supposed to be about making yourself feel better when you compare yourself to your best friend or sister. It's not even about making yourself better when you compare yourself about who you used to be.

How are you doing compared to Christ? As Christians, we're called to be like Christ.

You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Matthew 5:48

Be imitators of me, as I am Christ.

1 Corinthians 11:1

You shouldn't be comparing yourself to the people that were able to go down to Japan to help after the earthquake, or compare yourself to your friend that is away at Bible school. Just because that was in God's plan for them doesn't mean that your current path of going to Community College and working is any less important or any less displeasing to God. It's not about them. It's about Christ - isn't that all it should ever be about? That's the relationship and comparison that you should be striving to strengthen and draw nearer to - you and Christ.

Anyways.. Just a little something that's been on my mind recently.. that I'm writing down more for my benefit than for anyone else's when I start struggling with this as talks of the future, school, and missions trips start to arise...

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Untitled

There's a relationship that only certain people get to experience in life.

This relationship, is the relationship between stand partners.

What's a stand partner?

A stand partner is the person that, as a musician, you share a music stand with. Most of the time, you share the same sheet of music. You sit next to each other, rehearsal after rehearsal. Day after day. And, if you're lucky like me, year after year.

My first stand partner was Nancy.

We both started playing the flute in fifth grade. We played together from fifth grade through twelfth grade. The only times that we were not stand partners was when I was on oboe, or when we were playing different flute parts. Seriously, from fifth grade until twelfth. If you think about it, that's at LEAST two concerts a year for eight years (add an additional concert/festival for seventh grade through twelfth, except for one year). Two years of marching next to each other for every field show for ninth and tenth grade (then she became the amazing drum major and I switched to pit). Plus marching next to each other for parades our ninth and tenth grade years. And sitting next to each other for football games. Plus performances at assemblies, open houses, memorials, and graduations.. PLUS, for fifth and sixth grade, we had two one-hour rehearsals each week for fifth and sixth grade, and then five one-hour rehearsals a week from seventh through twelfth grade.. And then add night rehearsals in high school and sectionals.. PLUS, we shared a marimba for drumline our senior year of high school, so that's even more hours.

Basically.. We've spent a lot of time together.

Seriously. If you look at pretty much every single concert video, every single concert picture that her parents have taken.. You'll see me in the background. I think it's really entertaining. There's always the redhead in the background.

Anyways, there's just something that stand partners share. I know some stand partners were competitive with each other. Some probably even hated each other. Nancy and me? It just worked. Nancy was always first chair, I was always second. And I was beyond okay with that. So there was never a competition, it was always just a genuine love for the music and the fact that we could groan and complain about the same complicated measure. She was always so natural and amazing at playing anything and everything, that I think wanting to be like her pushed me more than any grade or lecture ever could.

After spending so many hours, days, and years playing together, our friendship is more than just musically based. Over all the years, we also had real classes together. And we'd talk about real things, real life. Life outside of our wonderful world of bandos.

Since we've graduated from high school, we've seen each other regularly when she'd come home from school (oh yes, p.s. my talented stand partner is also incredibly gifted academically, and went to Harvard). And even though she is WAY smarter than me, we've always been able to get together for dinner or a drive, and just talk and talk and talk.

And we got to do that tonight. She's home from Harvard (actually, GRADUATED!). And we got together and talked. For four hours straight. I really don't think there was more than 10 seconds of silence. And it was just so awesome to be able to think about all the time we've spent together. And how we can still find stuff to talk about, after twelve years of friendship, and being from two totally and completely separate roads of life!

Anyways, for those of you who didn't get to experience the bond between stand partners.. I hope you have something you can compare it to. I will forever be grateful for my stand partner and friend :)

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I think it is physically impossible..

For me to type up a short blog post.

Of the things that God has blessed me with.. The gift of "short and sweet and to the point" is so not one of them.

And if you've spent any amount of time with me.

You can attest to that.

I read quite a few blogs and I always love how in 4 sentences they can post the perfect post.

I, on the other hand, post a 4 PAGE post.. And all I want to do is go back through and edit it  or delete it all together.

But, I don't.

I hate deleting things.

I'm a hoarder.

A digital hoarder, apparently.

But, I am going to end this blog post with saying..

I love that it's summer. Friends are home. People want to do stuff all the time. The sun is coming. Resolved is a month away (!!!!!). And I feel the love of my Savior everywhere.

And.. I haven't mentioned this before.. But.. I just want to say..

I love having my best friend back.

P.S. Hey look, a short-ish post :)

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My ridiculously talented neighbors.

I've developed  a new hobby.

And I love it.

No, it's not a hobby for fishing. It's not a hobby involving playing a game. It's not a hobby for stalking celebrities.

It's hobby of watching people do what they love.

I think it's actually a rekindling of an old hobby.

I used to LOVE it - watching Catie play water polo, watching Carrie play basketball, watching Cory perform at a concert, watching Craig play in competition, watching Mae, Michelle, and Steph do guard stuff.. I loved it.

And it's been awhile since I've been able to do that.

Until recently.

My neigbors are ridiculously talented.

I have lived in the same house my entire life. And during this entire time, three doors down, has been this amazing family. Dad, Mom, Son, and Daughter. Bob, Carol, Matt, and Becca.

With us kids, it worked out great, because when you throw Matt and Becca in with Selah, Jenna, and me, we're all only about a year or two a part - it goes Selah, Matt, me, Becca, than Jenna - so we all always had someone to play with.

An extremely large percentage of the stories involving anything between the time of birth until junior high involve this family. And there's a less percentage as we've all gotten older, but they're still there.

When we were younger..

Disneyland. The beach. Wild Rivers. Mary Kate and Ashley movies. Playing video games. Trips to Palm Springs. 4th of July. New Years Eve. Thanksgiving. Christmas afternoon catch up. Matt's baseball games. Birthday parties. Swimming in our pool. Being baby sat by Amber across the street. Walking to Taco Bell. Climbing in the apricot tree. Dressing as twins. Synchronized swimming in the pool. Playing house.

And now as we're older..

Talking about school. Talking about life. Talking about God. Talking about music. Talking about boys. Talking about girls. Going for walks. Going for drives. Catching up for hours and hours and hours. Thanksgiving (still!). Disneyland (still!).

It's been fun to watch our friendships go from being friends because we lived close together and since we couldn't drive, it was either us or no one.. To actually being friends because we like each other, and get along.

There's been times over the years, where we'll go months and months and months without seeing each other.. And then sometimes we'll see each other every week or so - it really just depends on our schedules.

But recently, Matt and Becca have shown me these amazing talents that they have. They are musicians. And very gifted musicians at that!

I've known about Matt's music for a few years now.. I even have a couple of songs on my iPod that he probably wishes I didn't have.. And I remember when he first started getting into music, all I really kept thinking was "Matt loves video games. He's not a musician." and boy has he proven me wrong!

And Becca.. Well.. I have this vivid memory that took place at one of her birthday parties YEARS ago. We were playing a game, and all of us guests were supposed to guess answers to questions about Becca. And I remember that the answer to "What does Becca want to be when she grows up?" was most definitely "a singer". So I think it's always been in her blood - but never did I imagine she'd be as amazing as she is.

I absolutely LOVE watching Matt and Becca perform. Matt's been performing longer than Becca, but they're both amazing up there behind the microphone.

Oh, and for the record, they don't just perform covers. They perform their own music. Which is always something that is so hard for me to comprehend (give me sheet music, and I can play it, no problem. But give me a blank sheet of paper with no words or filled in staffs.. And it will remain that way.. Except maybe a few doodles..). Their covers are freaking amazing, too. But their original music is so awesome, I can't explain it.

I just love watching these two people (siblings of mine, really) use these gifts to get up there and perform and share their abilities with other people. I don't know if I could ever do that. But they can and do, and I love it!

Anyways, I love those two (and their parents) and I love what they're sharing with the rest of us these days :)

And I love watching people I love.. Doing what they love.. So that other people can love it, too!

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