Two deaths

Maybe I've been reading and watching too many serial killer, murder, death type things recently.. It's caused me to have some really undesired dreams. They're not nightmares, just like, stories that I'd read, with me in them. And my friends. It's just weird. So I picked up an old Sarah Dessen book last night.. Hopefully the lovey, dovey, teen, chick lit will get my dreams back to more pleasant situations.

Anyways, so it's gotten me thinking a lot about death. not my own death - I honestly have no fear there, whatsoever. Yeah, I'd rather die peacefully in my sleep at an old age, or talking about Christ somewhere. Something like that. But if I were to die in a car accident or a health problem, or even as a hostage in a bank robbery.. It wouldn't be ideal, but hey, it was in God's plan, who am I to complain? Like I said, I haven't been thinking about that at all.

It's been my friends' deaths. I have my two circles of friends.

My friends that I know are going to heaven. The ones that I'll be sad to lose their company here. I will cry, I'll have holes in my heart, and less people to hug. I would love for me to go first, so that I don't have to figure out how my life will change and still honor God when I don't have my close group of friends around me. Maybe that's the coward's way out though, to want to be the first to die so that I can remain complete, but it'd make it easy on me. Their funerals will be bitter sweet. They really will be a celebration of their life here, and almost a jealousy for what they're doing then - they'll be in heaven! There will be happy stories and all of that.

Then I have my friends that are going to hell. That's really hard to grasp sometimes. That there are people that I deeply love here, that won't be in heaven when they die, hell is their eternal home. I don't know how I'll handle their funerals. I don't think I've ever heard of funeral where the pastor has said "they lived a selfish life where they didn't want to live for Christ, they decided to live for themselves, and are now in hell". I guess the only positive outlook those funerals can have is "don't end up like them, believe in Christ". I will be crying at those funerals, and they will be such different tears. I won't know how to comfort our other friends.