It's such a girly predicament..

When I'm having a "blah" day or moment, my reaction is to shut down. I don't like to talk about my problems with everybody and their mother. And I won't just talk about it with just anyone who asks. In fact, if the wrong person asks, it just enhances my mood even more.

I know it's weird, and it's not right. But that's my reaction. Always has been.

You would think that maybe, just maybe, I should just let everybody (and their mother) know that they just need to not ask me what's wrong. "If I want to tell you, I'll talk to you about it. I appreciate the sentiment, but honestly, don't worry about it." However, I can't do that.

1 - Because it's rude. Someone's concerned (whether out of sincerity or out of awkward obligation), and I'm not going to tell them to leave me alone.

2 - It's not true. I don't want everybody to leave me alone. I don't. I want almost everybody to leave me alone. And I know who I want to ask me. Well, actually, it depends on what is bothering me as to who I want to ask me. I have my typical 5 people that I want to ask me. Unfortunately, most of them are guys. And (yes, I'm being sexist here), most guys are horrible at recognizing these things. Or they recognize them, but forget that since we're girls, we do want to talk about it. Or forget that (yes, we're being difficult) if you ask us "is something wrong?" and we say "nothing".. There's a really good chance there really is something, but we want you to ask us again (unless you're dealing with Jenna, who has told me that it takes 3 times for her to typically come clean). Not because we want you to catch us in a "nothing lie", but because I think we mentally want to make sure you really want to know. Anyone can ask and take whatever answer you give them.. But when it's one of the people (at least for me) that I really do want to talk to about my issues.. I want to make sure you really want to know, and aren't just asking because you think you should. Girls tend to be pretty observant on that stuff. Which can be a blessing, and can be a pain.. But most of the time it is definitely a blessing :)

I know, it's girly. It's dumb. It's annoying.

It's actually something I've been working on the last year or so. Phill has this (for lack of a better word) rule for us: complete honesty. And I know that sounds dumb.. Because we should all be completely honest. But how often are we asked simple questions (like "how are you?" or "do you like this shirt?") that we bluff a quick answer ("I'm good, you?" (as you were fighting with your mom on the way to Starbucks) or "it's super cute!" (as you mentally think of 300 shirts you saw at Good Will that look so much better)) without thinking of them as lies, more as "fillers" because it's expected, and it's the easiest answer.

We've all done it.

Anyways, with this "rule", that's not an option between us. And it was annoying at first. Not because I "couldn't lie" - the truth is always better! - but because I was catching myself, or he was catching me, all the time. Mostly about "what's wrong?" type of questions. The "rule" also applies to starting a story, then realizing you shouldn't tell the story, so you say "nevermind". Yeah, I don't get away with "neverminds" anymore. It all comes out now. Which, like I said, was annoying, but I've gotten very used to it.

Where in the world was I going with this..

Oh!

So I've started (not necessarily on purpose, just out of habit, which isn't a bad thing) applying this rule in all aspects of my life. When someone asks how I'm doing, if I'm doing great, I tell them! If I'm having a blah day, I say that "things could be better, but it will be okay"! If someone asks me what I think of an article of clothing that I'm not particularly fond of, I'll find something good to say about it.. Normally along the lines of "That's not my taste, for me, but I think it works for you!", because it's true. If it's a guy, I can normally just straight up tell them I don't like it :)

I don't know why I felt compelled to write this. I had a blah day, but I'm okay now. That's probably why.

Okay, that was a lie. I do know why I wanted to write this. Because I was frustrated that a boy didn't read my mind today to figure out what was going on with me. But that's not his fault, it's my fault. And I should have brought it up instead of fuming over him not knowing I wanted him to ask me - twice. :)

It's such a girly predicament. And it's no one's fault but mine.

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