My coworker went on vacation for two weeks.. So we completely cleared out his cubicle and turned it into a crime scene.
Sent from my Blackberry :)
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Untitled
Unimportant
I used to blog all the time. For everything. "Today, I went to school. In band we had a playing test and I did okay. The trumpets need to practice sooo much though! In Anatomy, Nicole and I talked the whole time, and Mr. Persechina rolled his eyes and made fun of us. It's cuz we're white, I'm certain! I did absolutely nothing in AP Stats cuz AP testing is done and Mr. Snider doesn't care about what we do now, for the next 2 months.. In Civics, Mr. Moore came in and teased Mr. Tran about drinking Diet Coke.. I didn't learn anything in class other than what I've learned from West Wing. English was interesting. Sometimes I wonder why I didn't just suck it up and take AP English. Normal English is easy, but I'm not learning anything. Then I ditched 6th period to go hang out with the boys. We really didn't do anything."... Hahah.. Anyways, I'm glad I'm over that phase. I don't blog unless I have something I feel should be said. "Maybe this will change the world".. Or if not the world, than just affect someone's day in some way, shape, or form. Whether it puts a smile on their face, a wrinkle in their brow, or a thought in their mind that will sit there for weeks.. But I don't feel like I have anything to say right now. Well, not anything meaningful. But here's some random bullet point thoughts I've been having. - I'm ridiculously thankful for my God, and I'm having deep sadness recently for people who don't know Him. Especially my friends. - I am learning it is getting harder the older I get to give advice to my non-Christian friends. I give them advice, they tell me they don't want my "Bible opinion", they want my "normal person opinion". Trying to explain that, for me, I have one opinion has been the topic of many conversations. I'm determined not to back down. - I'm no longer pursuing friendships that are one sided or that I feel I can't trust the other person. Trust is a huge deal, and if I can't trust you, then you're just a normal person to me. Those "friendships" are at the same level of depth as a person I just met. I don't hate those people, I don't have hard feelings toward them, I don't wish that they have no friends. I'm just choosing to not deal with the heartache associated with them anymore. - I am ridiculously thankful for Phillip. I'm not going into detail, but I thank God for his friendship every day. - I had an ex get engaged. The news didn't affect me at all, which was exciting. Haha. I'm happy for him! - I have friends on the extreme ends of dating. Some friends that are dating purely for the sake of not being alone. Some people that "realize" dating is meant to lead to marriage, but are okay with dating someone with no intent of it being serious. And some friends who just GET IT.. Lol.. It's rather interesting to be observing it all. - I'm intrigued to see what this next school year is going to bring. People going away, people staying here, people going to school, people working. I think that's it for now!
Sent from my Blackberry :)
Sent from my Blackberry :)
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Fear
I wish I had something beautiful to write about. Well, I do. God's love is a beautiful thing. But right now, at 1 AM on a night when I have work in 8 hours.. I don't have nearly enough time to go into detail on that.. But His love is beautiful and I am ridiculously grateful for that every single day.
I guess what I could write about now is fear. Right now, I have this ridiculous fear for next week. And I know that I really shouldn't worry. He's smart, he knows what he's doing. He's going with someone that knows what they're doing. There's technically nothing to worry about. But.. There's that little piece of me that worries. What if something happens. What if they get lost. What if they eat something bad. What if they run into an animal that isn't friendly. What if they run into hunters that don't realize they aren't animals. What if a cliff shows up out of nowhere.
Wow. And now as I type that out, the fear is a lot more real, because all of that stuff could really, truly happen. And it's not just all of that happening, but it's the fact that they probably won't have cell phone service, so we won't know if anything's happening until a day or two after they were to come back. What if something happens Friday night, and since they aren't supposed to come back until the next Friday, there's no reason my fear to be spiked until the next Saturday.. But by then, it's been a week.
It's in God's hands. And I know he's not worried at all. This is me and my protective nature hating that I have no control over the situation. Which is totally fine, because it's not my life and it's something that he's been looking forward to for months. It's just weird. And nervewracking. And a freaking-out-ed-ness that I've never felt before. Or if I have, it was strictly an overnight thing. Not a week.
I went to the Philippines for two weeks, and there was never a thought in my mind about the fear of what could happen. But this is one week in northern California, with me here in Southern California.. That will involve a lot of prayer and a lot less text messages and a lot more time to myself.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6
I guess what I could write about now is fear. Right now, I have this ridiculous fear for next week. And I know that I really shouldn't worry. He's smart, he knows what he's doing. He's going with someone that knows what they're doing. There's technically nothing to worry about. But.. There's that little piece of me that worries. What if something happens. What if they get lost. What if they eat something bad. What if they run into an animal that isn't friendly. What if they run into hunters that don't realize they aren't animals. What if a cliff shows up out of nowhere.
Wow. And now as I type that out, the fear is a lot more real, because all of that stuff could really, truly happen. And it's not just all of that happening, but it's the fact that they probably won't have cell phone service, so we won't know if anything's happening until a day or two after they were to come back. What if something happens Friday night, and since they aren't supposed to come back until the next Friday, there's no reason my fear to be spiked until the next Saturday.. But by then, it's been a week.
It's in God's hands. And I know he's not worried at all. This is me and my protective nature hating that I have no control over the situation. Which is totally fine, because it's not my life and it's something that he's been looking forward to for months. It's just weird. And nervewracking. And a freaking-out-ed-ness that I've never felt before. Or if I have, it was strictly an overnight thing. Not a week.
I went to the Philippines for two weeks, and there was never a thought in my mind about the fear of what could happen. But this is one week in northern California, with me here in Southern California.. That will involve a lot of prayer and a lot less text messages and a lot more time to myself.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Two deaths
Maybe I've been reading and watching too many serial killer, murder, death type things recently.. It's caused me to have some really undesired dreams. They're not nightmares, just like, stories that I'd read, with me in them. And my friends. It's just weird. So I picked up an old Sarah Dessen book last night.. Hopefully the lovey, dovey, teen, chick lit will get my dreams back to more pleasant situations.
Anyways, so it's gotten me thinking a lot about death. not my own death - I honestly have no fear there, whatsoever. Yeah, I'd rather die peacefully in my sleep at an old age, or talking about Christ somewhere. Something like that. But if I were to die in a car accident or a health problem, or even as a hostage in a bank robbery.. It wouldn't be ideal, but hey, it was in God's plan, who am I to complain? Like I said, I haven't been thinking about that at all.
It's been my friends' deaths. I have my two circles of friends.
My friends that I know are going to heaven. The ones that I'll be sad to lose their company here. I will cry, I'll have holes in my heart, and less people to hug. I would love for me to go first, so that I don't have to figure out how my life will change and still honor God when I don't have my close group of friends around me. Maybe that's the coward's way out though, to want to be the first to die so that I can remain complete, but it'd make it easy on me. Their funerals will be bitter sweet. They really will be a celebration of their life here, and almost a jealousy for what they're doing then - they'll be in heaven! There will be happy stories and all of that.
Then I have my friends that are going to hell. That's really hard to grasp sometimes. That there are people that I deeply love here, that won't be in heaven when they die, hell is their eternal home. I don't know how I'll handle their funerals. I don't think I've ever heard of funeral where the pastor has said "they lived a selfish life where they didn't want to live for Christ, they decided to live for themselves, and are now in hell". I guess the only positive outlook those funerals can have is "don't end up like them, believe in Christ". I will be crying at those funerals, and they will be such different tears. I won't know how to comfort our other friends.
Anyways, so it's gotten me thinking a lot about death. not my own death - I honestly have no fear there, whatsoever. Yeah, I'd rather die peacefully in my sleep at an old age, or talking about Christ somewhere. Something like that. But if I were to die in a car accident or a health problem, or even as a hostage in a bank robbery.. It wouldn't be ideal, but hey, it was in God's plan, who am I to complain? Like I said, I haven't been thinking about that at all.
It's been my friends' deaths. I have my two circles of friends.
My friends that I know are going to heaven. The ones that I'll be sad to lose their company here. I will cry, I'll have holes in my heart, and less people to hug. I would love for me to go first, so that I don't have to figure out how my life will change and still honor God when I don't have my close group of friends around me. Maybe that's the coward's way out though, to want to be the first to die so that I can remain complete, but it'd make it easy on me. Their funerals will be bitter sweet. They really will be a celebration of their life here, and almost a jealousy for what they're doing then - they'll be in heaven! There will be happy stories and all of that.
Then I have my friends that are going to hell. That's really hard to grasp sometimes. That there are people that I deeply love here, that won't be in heaven when they die, hell is their eternal home. I don't know how I'll handle their funerals. I don't think I've ever heard of funeral where the pastor has said "they lived a selfish life where they didn't want to live for Christ, they decided to live for themselves, and are now in hell". I guess the only positive outlook those funerals can have is "don't end up like them, believe in Christ". I will be crying at those funerals, and they will be such different tears. I won't know how to comfort our other friends.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Dental Hygiene
So I went to the dentist today. I've never had a cavity, so I don't get nervous about the visit at all. I'm sure I may get a cavity one day, but in the meantime, I have no hesitations about the visit. Actually, I enjoy it. Mostly.
The only thing that generally bothers me is that they want to hear your life story. At least they make you think they want to hear it. And if you know me, I have no problem at all talking to people. I will talk and talk for hours about any and everything. The only thing that bothers me is how difficult it is with their hands in your mouth! Dentists must have had to take a class on "Mumble 101" so that they can try to understand you. And they do try. But it's still rather frustrating that I can't speak completely coherantly throughout the whole visit.
Anyways, today's visit was really enjoyable. Like, ridiculously enjoyable. I've been going to the same dentist my entire life. My mom went to the dentist when she was growing up. It's a family business, the dad was my mom's dentist, and now his son and his wife are the dentists. So they know us all. Anywho.. I can't believe I forgot about how Susan, the wife, had been so excited when I visited 6 months ago about how she had just asked Christ into her life. She was so excited then, and I completely forgot! However, she definitely hadn't! She was still completely thrilled about her faith. It was so amazing. I'm "used to" teenagers finding faith at camps or in the middle of a hard time, but man. Adults who develop a relationship with Christ are insane! In the greatest way possible! Susan kept talking about how she just wanted to make up for lost time. How she had wasted so much of her life as a Buddhist or being "nothing", that she wants nothing more than to give everything to God. That she wishes she weren't so busy, so that she could spend even more time reading her Bible. But because she can't read and drive at the same time, she listens to sermons in the car. And she was talking about how she has questions just bursting out of her about everything. And how she's researching the questions she has. And even like.. She's not happy with the church she's at. And it's not that she doesn't like the worship, or something like that.. She has questions, and the pastor isn't answering them. And not just is he not answering them, he's basically telling her that her questions are stupid.. And she knows that's not right. That her questions, as a new believer, or a believer at all, should be welcomed with opened arms, not looked down on like a child.
Anyways. It was just amazing to see how passionate she was. How she is so eager to learn everything she can. It was an awesome reminder of how we should be. The Jars of Clay song "Like A Child"... They say that I can move the mountains, and send them crashing into the sea. They say that I can walk on water, if I would follow and believe, with faith like a child.
Faith like a child, faith like a child, faith like a child..
The only thing that generally bothers me is that they want to hear your life story. At least they make you think they want to hear it. And if you know me, I have no problem at all talking to people. I will talk and talk for hours about any and everything. The only thing that bothers me is how difficult it is with their hands in your mouth! Dentists must have had to take a class on "Mumble 101" so that they can try to understand you. And they do try. But it's still rather frustrating that I can't speak completely coherantly throughout the whole visit.
Anyways, today's visit was really enjoyable. Like, ridiculously enjoyable. I've been going to the same dentist my entire life. My mom went to the dentist when she was growing up. It's a family business, the dad was my mom's dentist, and now his son and his wife are the dentists. So they know us all. Anywho.. I can't believe I forgot about how Susan, the wife, had been so excited when I visited 6 months ago about how she had just asked Christ into her life. She was so excited then, and I completely forgot! However, she definitely hadn't! She was still completely thrilled about her faith. It was so amazing. I'm "used to" teenagers finding faith at camps or in the middle of a hard time, but man. Adults who develop a relationship with Christ are insane! In the greatest way possible! Susan kept talking about how she just wanted to make up for lost time. How she had wasted so much of her life as a Buddhist or being "nothing", that she wants nothing more than to give everything to God. That she wishes she weren't so busy, so that she could spend even more time reading her Bible. But because she can't read and drive at the same time, she listens to sermons in the car. And she was talking about how she has questions just bursting out of her about everything. And how she's researching the questions she has. And even like.. She's not happy with the church she's at. And it's not that she doesn't like the worship, or something like that.. She has questions, and the pastor isn't answering them. And not just is he not answering them, he's basically telling her that her questions are stupid.. And she knows that's not right. That her questions, as a new believer, or a believer at all, should be welcomed with opened arms, not looked down on like a child.
Anyways. It was just amazing to see how passionate she was. How she is so eager to learn everything she can. It was an awesome reminder of how we should be. The Jars of Clay song "Like A Child"... They say that I can move the mountains, and send them crashing into the sea. They say that I can walk on water, if I would follow and believe, with faith like a child.
Faith like a child, faith like a child, faith like a child..
Monday, January 25, 2010
This is their heaven..
Saddest thing I've read in awhile.
I've blogged about it before, so it's no secret that I love to journal. And I found a bunch of old ones a little bit ago. I didn't realize that I'd actually journaled during my soph/junior year a bit. In a handful of random little notebooks.
Anyways, I found them. And I had tons of notes from different Bible Studies and camps and such, and I came across one quote that just hit me.
For a non-Christian, this is their heaven.
That was such a... Holy. Crap. Because it's so true!
Which, I can understand some people might say "eh, that's not so bad. Life's been pretty good here". But I'm sorry... Hell is... Hell is Hell. Think of the worst possible situation that you've ever been through during your life - a mom dying, a boyfriend breaking up with you, getting in a car accident and being paralyzed, killing someone. The feelings and emotions experienced during those things is nothing - NOTHING - compared to what Hell's going to be like. And those horrible situations.. That's a part of what your Heaven is. I love the fact that this life I'm living here on earth.. This is my Hell. This is the worst my existence will ever be. And I know it's hard for a non-Christian to get it, and to grasp what is so horrible about Hell, and so amazing about Heaven. Like, I know that the happiest I've ever been in my life here on Earth, is going to be non-existent and so far from my mind when I get to Heaven. And for someone whose eternity is going to be in Hell... When you are in Hell, you will be begging, pleading, CRAVING the horrible feelings that you felt when you had your heart broken, when you lost feeling in your legs, when you went to that funeral. Those feelings would be WELCOMED and basically a party compared to Hell.
Oh I am so thankful for my God.
I've blogged about it before, so it's no secret that I love to journal. And I found a bunch of old ones a little bit ago. I didn't realize that I'd actually journaled during my soph/junior year a bit. In a handful of random little notebooks.
Anyways, I found them. And I had tons of notes from different Bible Studies and camps and such, and I came across one quote that just hit me.
For a non-Christian, this is their heaven.
That was such a... Holy. Crap. Because it's so true!
Which, I can understand some people might say "eh, that's not so bad. Life's been pretty good here". But I'm sorry... Hell is... Hell is Hell. Think of the worst possible situation that you've ever been through during your life - a mom dying, a boyfriend breaking up with you, getting in a car accident and being paralyzed, killing someone. The feelings and emotions experienced during those things is nothing - NOTHING - compared to what Hell's going to be like. And those horrible situations.. That's a part of what your Heaven is. I love the fact that this life I'm living here on earth.. This is my Hell. This is the worst my existence will ever be. And I know it's hard for a non-Christian to get it, and to grasp what is so horrible about Hell, and so amazing about Heaven. Like, I know that the happiest I've ever been in my life here on Earth, is going to be non-existent and so far from my mind when I get to Heaven. And for someone whose eternity is going to be in Hell... When you are in Hell, you will be begging, pleading, CRAVING the horrible feelings that you felt when you had your heart broken, when you lost feeling in your legs, when you went to that funeral. Those feelings would be WELCOMED and basically a party compared to Hell.
Oh I am so thankful for my God.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Over the river and through the woods...
Er.. Or... Over the ocean and through the clouds...
Back from the Philippines. Meh. It was okay...
Just kidding. It was kinda, sorta, amazing. I'd never been overseas before, and it was just an amazing first experience.
I can't even begin to describe it. The people there are so freaking friendly. Which was the first thing that Jenna and I noticed when we stepped off the plane. Everyone was just "hi!" "hello!" (and not just in the airport).. Granted, that might've just been because we were the only white people around, but it was still cool. And I had to go backwards through security at the airport, because I left my jacket on the other side of immigration, and it was so easy! Flashed my password and a smile, and it was a "yes m'am, let me see what I can do for you!".
And the like, cities, villages, and provences were so interesting, and you could tell immediately that you'd switched from one to another. Manila has high rises that are taller than some of the ones I've ever seen, and some of the grungiest areas as well - with squatters living in areas three feet wide between the tall buildings. And embassys everywhere. I had to walk down the street by myself at 1:30 in the morning, and I felt completely safe - because I was walking past embassys and bulidings with security guards sitting in the street - coming back from a massage, amaaazing.
Got to travel all throughout the northern half of the island of Luzon - landed in Manila, then stayed in Makati for a few days, then went to Subic to the Clark military base (went swimming with dolphins and whales), then went to Alaminos (aka 100 Islands) and got to rent a boat and hang out on our own island for the day and went snorkeling. After that, we went to this cool town of Vigan where we got to ride horse drawn carriages called calesas and walked and rode down cobblestone roads, then we had lunch the next day in Batac with a missionary couple and then we to Burgos to visit a light house. Had some major car problems at the top of the very steep hill (transmission hose cracking and losing all the fluid), and four hours later, as darkness approached, a mechanic came baring a hose and "hydraulic fluid" (which can apparently be a substitute for transmission fluid) and off we went - singing the Indian Jones theme song the whole way! Got to the creepiest hotel of the whole trip in Pagudpug, but the cochroach in the room was so worth it when we woke up in the morning and saw the view. It was amazing. Seriously, something you'd see on a postcard. Amazing. Then we went to Tiguegarao, and stayed in the nicest hotel, and Jenna and I ordered room service all night long... Lol. Then it was off to Banaue to see the Banaue Rice Terraces. Dad and Steve (who were both on motorcycles) took a bumpier road than us girls in the car. Our car started giving us "Transmission Oil Temp" warning lights the whole way, and the guys got stuck at a landslide. We made it to Banaue - just barely - and the boys stayed in some other town. They got to us around noon the next day (after dad having motorcycle problems before leaving), and we decided to go straight to the the rice terraces. But..... Our car wouldn't start. So we had to go find a mechanic.. He came, fixed the car, and we were off! Only for us to get about a half mile down the road.... And the car started making a "clunk, clunk, clunk" sound... So we turned right back around, picking up the mechanic on the way. Found out we were missing three of the four screws holding up our drive shaft. And dad's motorcycle started making a noise too. The guy fixed them again, and so we were off to the rice terraces!! Got up to the terraces.... And it was so foggy we couldn't see a thing. Literally, all we could see was the railing of the platform we were on. Haha... Omg.. It was so funny. God has such a sense of humor. After Banaue, we drove eleven hours back to Makati. Got there around 8 on Friday evening.. We also went to Noah's ark musical when we were in Makati, and went to get a massage (a second one), and got to experience the malls and fish market and.. It was just freaking amazing. Got to visit the Faith Academy, which was awesome.
I'm back home now. And jet lag is quite challenging to get rid of. A 16 hour time difference. And since I've gotten home, on the day I haven't had work, I've been awake until about 2, and waking up around 3:30 or 4:30, then up until 6, then asleep until 11, then falling back asleep to wake up at 2... And on the days I've had work, I've been sleeping between 2 and 4:30, then staying awake until the next night. Work is great on an hour and a half or two of sleep.. Lol. Or like last night, I fell asleep around 2 on the couch, woke up at 4 to go to my room, and couldn't sleep.. So I've been up since then, and it's 10:13, and I need to head to church.
But it is nice to be home.
Back from the Philippines. Meh. It was okay...
Just kidding. It was kinda, sorta, amazing. I'd never been overseas before, and it was just an amazing first experience.
I can't even begin to describe it. The people there are so freaking friendly. Which was the first thing that Jenna and I noticed when we stepped off the plane. Everyone was just "hi!" "hello!" (and not just in the airport).. Granted, that might've just been because we were the only white people around, but it was still cool. And I had to go backwards through security at the airport, because I left my jacket on the other side of immigration, and it was so easy! Flashed my password and a smile, and it was a "yes m'am, let me see what I can do for you!".
And the like, cities, villages, and provences were so interesting, and you could tell immediately that you'd switched from one to another. Manila has high rises that are taller than some of the ones I've ever seen, and some of the grungiest areas as well - with squatters living in areas three feet wide between the tall buildings. And embassys everywhere. I had to walk down the street by myself at 1:30 in the morning, and I felt completely safe - because I was walking past embassys and bulidings with security guards sitting in the street - coming back from a massage, amaaazing.
Got to travel all throughout the northern half of the island of Luzon - landed in Manila, then stayed in Makati for a few days, then went to Subic to the Clark military base (went swimming with dolphins and whales), then went to Alaminos (aka 100 Islands) and got to rent a boat and hang out on our own island for the day and went snorkeling. After that, we went to this cool town of Vigan where we got to ride horse drawn carriages called calesas and walked and rode down cobblestone roads, then we had lunch the next day in Batac with a missionary couple and then we to Burgos to visit a light house. Had some major car problems at the top of the very steep hill (transmission hose cracking and losing all the fluid), and four hours later, as darkness approached, a mechanic came baring a hose and "hydraulic fluid" (which can apparently be a substitute for transmission fluid) and off we went - singing the Indian Jones theme song the whole way! Got to the creepiest hotel of the whole trip in Pagudpug, but the cochroach in the room was so worth it when we woke up in the morning and saw the view. It was amazing. Seriously, something you'd see on a postcard. Amazing. Then we went to Tiguegarao, and stayed in the nicest hotel, and Jenna and I ordered room service all night long... Lol. Then it was off to Banaue to see the Banaue Rice Terraces. Dad and Steve (who were both on motorcycles) took a bumpier road than us girls in the car. Our car started giving us "Transmission Oil Temp" warning lights the whole way, and the guys got stuck at a landslide. We made it to Banaue - just barely - and the boys stayed in some other town. They got to us around noon the next day (after dad having motorcycle problems before leaving), and we decided to go straight to the the rice terraces. But..... Our car wouldn't start. So we had to go find a mechanic.. He came, fixed the car, and we were off! Only for us to get about a half mile down the road.... And the car started making a "clunk, clunk, clunk" sound... So we turned right back around, picking up the mechanic on the way. Found out we were missing three of the four screws holding up our drive shaft. And dad's motorcycle started making a noise too. The guy fixed them again, and so we were off to the rice terraces!! Got up to the terraces.... And it was so foggy we couldn't see a thing. Literally, all we could see was the railing of the platform we were on. Haha... Omg.. It was so funny. God has such a sense of humor. After Banaue, we drove eleven hours back to Makati. Got there around 8 on Friday evening.. We also went to Noah's ark musical when we were in Makati, and went to get a massage (a second one), and got to experience the malls and fish market and.. It was just freaking amazing. Got to visit the Faith Academy, which was awesome.
I'm back home now. And jet lag is quite challenging to get rid of. A 16 hour time difference. And since I've gotten home, on the day I haven't had work, I've been awake until about 2, and waking up around 3:30 or 4:30, then up until 6, then asleep until 11, then falling back asleep to wake up at 2... And on the days I've had work, I've been sleeping between 2 and 4:30, then staying awake until the next night. Work is great on an hour and a half or two of sleep.. Lol. Or like last night, I fell asleep around 2 on the couch, woke up at 4 to go to my room, and couldn't sleep.. So I've been up since then, and it's 10:13, and I need to head to church.
But it is nice to be home.
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